This will be
the last blog entry of Joe’s Game Plan.
It’s going to be a long one, so bare with me. I have so much to share with our wonderful
support group. I apologize for the delay
in writing this final entry, but it’s been difficult to write.
I first want
to let you all know how Joe’s last days went.
I’ve taken you on his journey and it only feels right to finish the
journey with all of you, his support team.
I had told you that Joe pulled out his stomach tube, the bird showed up
at the window and we called Hospice.
We transported him to the Hospice home on May 8th. After we got there, they told us he was “bleeding out” and would pass in 24 hours (maybe 48). In typical Joe fashion, he was there for 6 days. The doctor, nurses, counselors, other families in the home and everyone who stopped by, were utterly shocked. We weren’t. We all know Joe, his strength, his strong heart and his perfect timing. Like our Priest Father Will said “Joe and God are working together on this one”. They had a plan and like everything else Joe did, it was as perfect as a death could be. During those 6 days, Joe was being heavily sedated with pain meds. More than any one person could ever withstand. The Hospice doctor basically gave open instructions to do whatever it took to keep him out of pain. We knew when he was in pain because he would grimmest and we would ask him to squeeze our hand if he was in pain. The first few days, he would squeeze hard. After that, he was no longer able to squeeze but would blink or occasionally make a grunting noise. He was not able to speak in words, but his eyes could speak volumes. We knew the most important part of end of life was praying and talking to Joe. We knew he could hear every word so we never stopped. We would tell him who came into the room, who left the room, what day, day of the week and time it was throughout the day. We would share stories, tell him it was OK to go and be with the Lord, say prayers, have folks talk to him on the phone, kiss him, hold his hand continuously and do it over and over and over. Each day Joe got worse. Each day I thought how much worse can it get, and it always did. He couldn’t close his eyes (even slept with them open), had to breathe through his mouth, he couldn’t squeeze our hands any more when we would say “I Love You Joe”, his left leg swelled up something awful, his right leg was skin and bones, his color was changing, his face was changing and it got to the point where we hardly recognized him as our Joe. It made our prayers even stronger to relieve Joe from this pain.
We transported him to the Hospice home on May 8th. After we got there, they told us he was “bleeding out” and would pass in 24 hours (maybe 48). In typical Joe fashion, he was there for 6 days. The doctor, nurses, counselors, other families in the home and everyone who stopped by, were utterly shocked. We weren’t. We all know Joe, his strength, his strong heart and his perfect timing. Like our Priest Father Will said “Joe and God are working together on this one”. They had a plan and like everything else Joe did, it was as perfect as a death could be. During those 6 days, Joe was being heavily sedated with pain meds. More than any one person could ever withstand. The Hospice doctor basically gave open instructions to do whatever it took to keep him out of pain. We knew when he was in pain because he would grimmest and we would ask him to squeeze our hand if he was in pain. The first few days, he would squeeze hard. After that, he was no longer able to squeeze but would blink or occasionally make a grunting noise. He was not able to speak in words, but his eyes could speak volumes. We knew the most important part of end of life was praying and talking to Joe. We knew he could hear every word so we never stopped. We would tell him who came into the room, who left the room, what day, day of the week and time it was throughout the day. We would share stories, tell him it was OK to go and be with the Lord, say prayers, have folks talk to him on the phone, kiss him, hold his hand continuously and do it over and over and over. Each day Joe got worse. Each day I thought how much worse can it get, and it always did. He couldn’t close his eyes (even slept with them open), had to breathe through his mouth, he couldn’t squeeze our hands any more when we would say “I Love You Joe”, his left leg swelled up something awful, his right leg was skin and bones, his color was changing, his face was changing and it got to the point where we hardly recognized him as our Joe. It made our prayers even stronger to relieve Joe from this pain.
The girls and Doug (my son-in-law) and I spent
the night every night. We were able to
take the bed rails down and put our bed/recliners next to him so we could hold
his hand throughout the night so he would never be alone. Doug slept on the couch in the Hospice Family
room. The folks at the Hospice center were
wonderful and made it as comfortable as possible for us. Each day, the nurses and I would give Joe a
sponge bath and change his sheets and clothes.
I had t-shirts on him and then a Diamondback golf shirt. On day 5, Doug told me he should be wearing
his Cardinal Golf Shirt. My
sister-in-law and brother-in-law were staying at our house at night and brought
it back for Joe. The evening of May 12th,
the nurses and I bathed Joe, put his Cardinal shirt on and the girls and I made
our beds all around Joe’s bed. Doug had
to stay at his house that night because he had to be at work very early the
next morning. We had our slumber party
with Joe, told stories, laughed a little, prayed a lot and went to sleep. The next morning the girls and I got up at
7:00 am. We did our usual routine – wash
face, bathroom, brush teeth and then laid back down on our beds waiting for the
day to start with shift changes, company and on and on. Joe looked so bad. At 8:00 am I just broke
down crying, leaned over Joe and prayed for God to take him. This prayer was a little different. I would always pray to take him, but would
ask for one more hand squeeze or one more blink. This time I said “I don’t need
anything…Just please take Joe out of his pain.” At 8:06 while I was still
leaning over Joe, he took a huge gasp of air and lifted up slightly from the
pillow. I knew this was it. The girls jumped up, pushed the nurses button
and she ran in. She agreed. Amanda and I were on one side of Joe and
Candace and Shelli on the other side. We
were all crying as we watched Joe take another loud breath, rise up partially from
the pillow and lay back down. He did it
a third time and his golden heart stopped beating. He was finally free from pain. It was 8:14
am.
Doug and
Father Will arrived about 10 minutes later and Joe’s sister and brother-in-law
shortly after. We were all able to
gather around Joe’s bed, listen to some beautiful prayers together, say the
Lord’s Prayer together and thank God that Joe’s suffering was finally
over. More family gathered, phone calls
were made, we packed up our stuff and went home for the first time without our
beloved Joe.
The services
for Joe were amazing. For those of you that attended, this will be a repeat;
but for those of you that could not attend, I’ll try and capture the event. We had the viewing Thursday night and ran the
video called “This is Joe” that our friend Susan Paladino made. It consisted of hundreds of pictures of Joe’s
life through the Daddy-Daughter Dance.
At one point in the evening, my friend Sharon and I were consoling each
other and I said to Sharon “I know Joe is OK.
He’s probably holding a football, running down the field right
now.” Her eyes got big and I looked at
the screen behind me and out of the hundred of pictures on that video, the one
of Joe holding the football, running down the field was on the screen at that
very moment. Joe was with us.
We had Joe’s memorabilia on hand and participated in a short service. Joe was dressed in his “Out On My Own” Golf shirt and dress pants. We were able to put letters and memorabilia (Edison put in a baseball with his signature one it) in the casket for him and closed the casket at the end of the evening.
We had Joe’s memorabilia on hand and participated in a short service. Joe was dressed in his “Out On My Own” Golf shirt and dress pants. We were able to put letters and memorabilia (Edison put in a baseball with his signature one it) in the casket for him and closed the casket at the end of the evening.
Friday’s
service was so perfect from where we sat.
I opened with a welcome, my girls got up together and Amanda spoke on
their behalf about their Dad and my dear friend Cheryl Brooks read my Eulogy for me. Everyone did such a
beautiful job paying tribute to Joe. Here are the Eulogy’s:
Sherrie’s
Welcome:
I just want to quickly welcome you and to thank you all for
coming. This just means the world to me
and my entire family. I’m not able to
stand up here long, so I just want to be quick to thank you all personally for
all the support you gave Joe, me, the girls and my entire family. I know I’ve said it many times on the blog,
but your prayers and support are truly what got us through this journey. I also want to thank all my co-workers and
leaders at Honeywell and Joe’s co-workers at Honeywell and Wesco. What you all did for Joe and I to help us
manage the last 2 ½ years was nothing short of amazing. We could have never got through this journey
without your support and help.
I also want to thank Joe’s doctors and team at Ironwood Cancer
Center, Chandler Regional Hospital, UMC, UCSD and Hospice of the Valley. There are so many to thank, so please just
know that I know each and every one of you and can’t thank you enough for
taking such good care of Joe and myself and my family. A special thanks to Mike and Kathy Campbell
and their boys Michael and Christopher, for providing the music. Mike actually
sang at our wedding almost 33 years ago and also sang at Candace and Doug’s
wedding. I’d also like to thank Father
Will and the entire staff at St. Mary Magdalene for helping us through our
spiritual journey and all the support they continue to provide us.
With that, I’m going to turn it over to my beautiful daughters
who would like to speak to you about their dad.
From there, my dear friend Cheryl Brooks is going to read the Eulogy I
wrote for Joe. Her husband Bob and Joe
were roommates and pledge brothers all through college. All four of us went to Whittier College
together. They have been such dear friends to us all these years and their 6
kids and our 3 girls are also very close.
So when I wrote the eulogy, I knew I couldn’t read it and just knew
Cheryl would be that special someone who could help me get Joe’s message to all
of you. So thank you Cheryl for reading this on my behalf.
Amanda’s speech with Candace and
Shelli
Positive thinking, humor, helping
others, and drinking Mountain Dew… these are just a few of the qualities that
initially pop in your head when our Dad is mentioned and I believe that my dad
has passed these beautiful traits on to many of you and also to us; his
daughters. In case you don’t know, we are Joe’s daughters, Candace the oldest,
Shelli the youngest, and I’m Amanda, the middle child.
Our dad was a huge part of all our lives from childhood to adulthood. When we
were young, he coached our softball games, he helped us with homework (as long
as it wasn’t math), and he tucked us into bed every night. He also taught us
how to do the right thing and appropriately disciplined us when we did
something wrong, which Candace was very familiar with. Candace was what some
might call… a rebel. She was getting into trouble quite a bit but my dad never
gave up on her. Every time she would get in trouble, my dad would make Candace
listen to a positive thinking tape and take notes on what she learned.
Little did she know, she would use these lessons and tips that would guide her
the rest of her life. When my dad was diagnosed with cancer, Candace and Dad
were always coming up with the positive side of things and always kept an
optimistic outlook on the most devastating situations. It helped our family get
through the roughest of times. Now that Candace is grown, I have seen her not
only utilize her positive thinking she learned as a kid, but she is now passing
down this trait to her son and daughter and that is truly admirable. I know my
dad recognized that and is forever grateful that he was able to pass this on.
Then there
is Shelli. She is extremely similar to my dad and shares the same humor and
laid back demeanor. They could sit in the same room for hours and not say one
word but somehow bonded over just being around one another. They’d throw in
their one liners every so often but they were completely content just sitting
next to one another watching movies together, particularly if they were really
cheesy like High School Musical or Jumanji. He’d even quote high school musical
by saying “Get your head in the game” before Shelli’s sporting events to get
her pumped up.
My dad loved
going to watch Shelli’s high school softball, volleyball and tennis games, even
though tennis wasn’t Shelli’s finest sport. He was her biggest fan. I’d always
watch him at the games and you could tell he was truly proud of how hard Shelli
worked and how great she interacts with others. I see so much of my dad
when I watch Shelli and I know she will carry his positive characteristics and
humor throughout her life.
I’d also like to
recognize my mother. My mom and dad had one of the strongest marriages I’ve
seen. They were best friends and always instilled positive thinking, laughter,
and love in our household. We have their strength and love as a couple to thank
for our wonderful upbringing. I know Dad is so proud of how strong and loving
my mom has been throughout this journey.
Finally, my
relationship with my dad is something I will cherish forever. As many of you
know, I used to be painfully shy and my dad was the only person I would cling
to for the longest time. My dad would work with me every day to slowly learn to
be comfortable interacting with others and with his hard work and dedication, I
have been able to speak to others, throw in some humor with the one liners I’d
get from him, and gained the confidence I was lacking when I was younger. He
would always take any extra time he had and motivated us girls to never give
up, to go the extra mile in whatever we sought out to do, and to work hard to
achieve our goals.
Most
importantly, he taught us to help others. Our dad constantly bent over
backwards to do anything for anyone that needed it, even people he didn’t know.
He’d watch out for people that needed help and never wanted any recognition.
He’d open doors for strangers, lifted things that were too heavy for others to
carry, and did any task that anyone needed. He was everyone’s best friend and
knew how to make every single person feel included and special no matter what.
This is evident by the turnout right now. His mentality was constantly focused
on doing for others.
I told my dad I
would do everything I could to make him proud and I know he wouldn’t want us to
only focus on being sad and devastated. He would want us to take something
positive and useful from the experience. With that being said, I would love if
everyone would take something positive from this and attempt to Pay it forward
and do something small for someone every single day. Give a compliment; open a
door for a stranger, hug someone having a hard day. As you can see from this
turnout, helping others goes a long way and that’s what life is all about. I’d
like to end with one of my dad’s favorite quotes by Zig Ziglar…
"You can have
everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what
they want."
This journey has taught me how
unbelievably lucky us girls are to have had such a strong role model and loving
Daddio supporting us and guiding us in the right direction. I know he will
continue watching over us and steering us down a positive path. We love you
bunches Daddio. Always will.
Joe
Kahler’s Eulogy – Written by Sherrie Kahler and presented by Cheryl Brooks
Many of you know Joe because you are related to him, or you
grew up with him in Lancaster, CA, or you went to Paraclete High School, or
Whittier College, you met him through one of the other family members, you worked with him at Honeywell or Wesco, or
perhaps you were one of his teammates on the many teams on which he played, or
you may have volunteered side by side with him, or he was your Godfather, your
coach, your mentor, your teacher, your neighbor, your friend or you got to know
him through his cancer journey.
Regardless of how you are connected with Joe, the most important thing
is you have that connection and each one of you has told me the same thing
about Joe. He is amazing and there
aren’t too many people in the world like Joe Kahler. I couldn’t agree more.
I’m going to take you on a quick journey of Joe’s life through
Joe’s writing. Joe loved to journal and
I found his journal after he passed. I
will capture those thoughts I know he would want me to share with you.
Joe grew up in Lancaster, CA.
His parents didn’t have much money, but had lots of rules, lots of love
and a strong faith. They instilled right
from wrong in Joe. Joe would always get
into some mischief like giving his friends money from his Dad’s wallet, riding
and crashing bikes, fighting when others would bully the underdog, sneaking out
of the house to meet friends and so much more.
Sometimes his mom would just have to throw the covers over her face and
let Dad discipline….once again. His
brother and sister played a key role in Joe’s upbringing as well. His brother taught him about sports and
sportsmanship and his sister was always challenging his intellect and quick
wit. Joe said all of these traits really
helped him become a better person and he continued those teachings when raising
our girls as well.
High school was such an important time in Joe’s life. He built life-long friendships, won every
award they handed out for sports, sportsmanship, hustling and attitude. He was MVP all four years for football and
baseball, Athlete of the year, All League, All Valley and even Player of the
Year for the entire Antelope Valley. One
sport in which he did not excel was basketball.
He won one of his favorite awards for that sport “Most Inspirational
Player”. He wrote in his journal it
really meant a lot to him because “I did
play hard and always gave 100%”. It
turns out Joe did that in every aspect of his life.
After Joe graduated from Paraclete High School, he got a
scholarship to Whittier College and excelled – mostly at finding out who he
was, what was important to him, testing his endurance and building more
life-long friendships. He also met me
his junior year. We met at the welcoming
barn dance and hit it off instantly. We
were the only two in the square that couldn’t dance and didn’t care. It may sound corny, but it really was love at
first sight. We took it slow and made
sure we allowed each other our own space for other things in our lives, like
our friends, sports and of course, studying.
I just want to say that Joe’s fraternity brothers (so many that are here
today) have held such a strong bond and a brotherly love like I have never
witnessed before. Thank you Orthogonians
for that lifelong gift to Joe.
Joe graduated a year before I did and landed a job at Garrett
(now Honeywell). We got engaged that
year. After Joe got his first apartment
I wasn’t sure if he would make it to our wedding. He only knew how to cook TV dinners and every
time he ventured away from that, he got food poisoning. He didn’t have the patience to cook meat long
enough or wrap food in the freezer. He tried to get creative and warmed a
hardboiled egg in the microwave until it swelled. He put it on his honey and bread sandwich,
bit down and it exploded in his mouth.
The guys at work couldn’t wait to see what was next. Joe was just happy he survived and also happy
he could make others laugh, even if it was at his own expense. Besides his lack of cooking skills, Joe made
others laugh all the time with his quick wit and sense of humor. He always topped it off with a smile.
We were married in 1981 and began our dream of fun, hard work
and building our beautiful family. We
raised 3 wonderful daughters and Joe instilled so many of his special traits in
each one of them. He was also a great disciplinarian. When the girls got in trouble, he would make
them read a positive thinking book and write a book report on it. He also set
rules and consequences for their actions.
The best part was he ALWAYS followed through. All 3 girls learned that lesson!
Joe began writing to
the girls and I want to share a few excerpts so you understand more about Joe
and his thinking. He told them “No matter what you do or how well you do or
don’t do, Mom, Dad, and your sisters will always love you and be with you. Most important, don’t forget you will always
have the love of God. Use his strength
through prayer and positive reinforcement.
Now with family and God behind you, move forward and be the best person
you can be and enjoy life to the fullest.”
Joe did other things for the girls like have them say their prayers and
their favorite thing every night before they went to bed. He challenged them to smile at 5 new people each
day, to sit in the front of the class, to write nice notes to people less
popular and to find ways to make others feel like they are the most important
people in the world. For all of us, we know Joe didn’t just tell his girls to
do this. This was his life. I found an
excerpt in his journal from 1976. Joe
wrote, “One of the greatest things about
being so successful in sports was being able to enjoy being Big Man On
Campus. Everybody knew who I was. Being a shy person, this helped my confidence
tremendously. What I enjoyed most was
talking, laughing and being with classmates who weren’t so popular. It gave me an opportunity to break all the
walls between different types of people or cliques. I was friendly to everyone, especially the
shy people or ones considered to be nerds.
God gave me a gift of being good at sports. I was glad to be in a position to make others
feel special who usually go unnoticed.”
In 2004, Joe left Honeywell to write a book titled “Out On My
Own…Now What.” His passion was kids and
he wanted to help kids get started. He
spoke at High Schools and Universities around the country, but decided that
career was not for him. He loved
speaking and he loved the kids, but what Joe wasn’t good at was marketing
himself. That is what made him so
endearing. He couldn’t brag about himself,
talk himself up, show off any of his accomplishments. Joe’s comfort zone was doing all those things
for OTHER people. Everyone else came
before Joe. So Joe taught Amanda to take
over the book business and he returned to the aerospace industry working for
Wesco. He had a strong work ethic and
loved managing people, inspiring them, mentoring and coaching. He would do things like send his team
“Kahler’s Positive Thought for the Day.”
He just wanted them to start their day in the right frame of mind.
Throughout Joe’s life, he met more life-long friends through
co-rec softball, men’s softball, golf, work, our girl’s activities,
volunteering and fighting cancer. Joe
was the guy that everyone wanted on the team.
It wasn’t just because of his athleticism, but more because of the way
he interacted with others. If a call was
questionable, it went to the other person.
If it took him 10 strokes to get out of the sand trap, he counted every
single stroke, if someone was better than he was, Joe moved himself to another
position. He always made those calls
with a smile and generally a joke about himself. He was never one of those parents
embarrassing their kid by screaming at the umpire or yelling at the coach. He was the one supporting the coaches and
officials, regardless of how he felt about the call. All the kids loved Coach Joe for these traits
and so many of his softball players wrote to him while he was sick to tell him
just that. Girls, I want you to know
that touched him more than anything.
One of Joe’s most endearing qualities was his sense of
humor. It was so endearing because he
always made the joke on him. He would
tell us “it’s OK to laugh WITH people,
but not AT people. However, you can
laugh at yourself all day long.” And
he did. For those of you that know Joe,
most of his jokes were centered around his terrible eating habits. He had Mountain Dew and Licorice for
breakfast for over 40 years. He was a
creature of habit and had TV dinners everyday as a bachelor, and always ordered
the same thing when we went out to eat.
It’s was always lightly grilled, medium wings or a chicken and cheese
quesadilla. His other favorite thing was
steak off the grill…..with no side dishes.
Just the meat. Simple…that’s
Joe. He made my job so easy because he
really was about the basics. He thought
Hamburger Helper was like eating candy…now that was a real treat!
The other traits he loved to laugh at himself about had to do
with his mechanical (or lack of) mechanical skills. My brother and dad would love coming over to
help Joe because he knew his limitations and always had some great one-liners
about what it would look like if he tried to fix something. He wasn’t much better at driving an RV or a
Boat. He put up with it because the
girls and I love it so much, but after he backed the boat and RV into a ditch,
we did end up selling the RV and staying in a hotel from that point on. He allowed us to keep the boat so long as I
did all the driving. It worked out great
and we did have some of our best memories camping, fishing and boating with
Joe. The laughs never stopped.
Joe gave you all one more laugh that you might not
realize. He actually had a huge role in
the services. Joe was a doer. He had his checklist and wanted to make sure
everything was in order before he passed away.
He moved me to a smaller, more manageable house, remodeled the entire
home, did all kinds of things to prepare me for his departure and he helped
plan these services. He picked out our
joint plot, his casket (although he tried to go for the cheapest but it was so
ungodly ugly we had to veto him on that one!), the prayers, the songs and his
outfit. Joe was not a dress-up guy. His dress up was a golf shirt and nice
pants. He went in his closet one day and
came out laughing with his outfit. He
handed me his blue shirt and said “Make
sure I wear this. And make sure everyone
can see the embroidery. They will look
down at me in the casket and then read my shirt that says “Out……..On ……..My……..Own….….Now What??”
He just busted up laughing…he thought that was the funniest thing
ever! So for those of you that didn’t
see Joe, he is wearing this outfit to give us all a laugh.
Joe had a very strong faith, which is what gave him the strength
to fight these last 2 ½ years. Please be
assured he was not afraid to die, he was actually excited to journey to the
heavens and meet his maker. Towards the
end, he would tell me that he was ready.
He was only worried about leaving me and the girls, his family, friends
and support group. I cannot emphasize
enough how much all of you meant to him.
He wrote on the blog awhile back “I was telling Sherrie how amazing it
is that you all still show me so much support and love through this challenge I
am going through. You are all so special and the fact that you have hung with
me throughout this whole thing, is VERY inspiring to me and very humbling. For
all of you following and supporting me, it amazes me every day. I hope I can
carry on this type of prayer support for others in need, half as well as you
have done for me. Love and deepest gratitude, Joe”
I have been so blessed to be his wife for the last 33 years
and I know you all feel blessed to have your own connection with Joe, as
well. His love for his girls – Candace,
Amanda and Shelli, his son-in-law Doug and his beautiful grandkids, Edison and
Quinn are immeasurable. To my family, I
can’t express to you how much you meant to Dad.
You must carry his love, his qualities, his lessons, his faith and his
strength with you at all times. Please know that just because he is not with
you in body, he will always be with you for the rest of your lives.
Joe touched each and every one of us as only he could do. He loved his family, his parents, his brother
and sister, nieces and nephews, Godchildren, in-laws, friends and every single
one of you so much. He was a one-of-a-kind
and I hope we will all continue to learn from Joe and carry on his wonderful
traits. Before he passed, I asked him
what he prayed about each day. He said
different things but his one prayer he prayed regularly everyday was…and I
quote…………..… “To be the best person I can
possibly be and help as many people as I can along the way before I die.” I think we all can agree Joe’s
prayers were answered.
After the
Eulogy’s, the pall bearers, my girls and I exited the church and walked back in
with Joe’s casket and Father Will. It
was so beautiful and yet so sad to see those wonderful pallbearers and little
Edison holding the rail of his Papa Joe’s casket.
Joe’s pall
bearers were:
Norm Kahler Brother
Doug Campbell Son-in-law
Edison Campbell Grandson
Mike McDaniel Brother-in-law
Mike Walneuski Brother-in-law
Dave Bauer Friend
Robert Boos Friend
Mark Bozigian Friend
Bob Brooks Friend
Scott Snedigar Friend
The liturgy began. Mike, Michael and Chris Campbell sang throughout the services for us. Mike actually sang at our wedding 33 years ago and his sons are as talented as he is. It was beautiful and so touching because Joe and Mike were able to choose songs for the service before Joe passed away. They sang Be Not Afraid, Prayer of Saint Francis, Come to the Water, I Am the Bread of Life and On Eagles Wings. Our Godchild Eric Rawlins and our close friend Ray Rawlins did the readings (Wisdom 3: 1-9 and 2 Corinthians 4:14-5:1) for us. After the readings, Father Will gave the homily. It was perfect. I asked Father Will for a copy of his homily, but he said he knew Joe so well that it just came from the heart. His message was focused around a few key points:
- Joe suffered like Christ did. The more he suffered, the stronger he became.
- He paid Joe the highest compliment and said when he (Father Will) dies, he hopes he dies the way Joe did. He said "I hope I meet my own death with the grace and courage that Joe did."
- Don’t think and obsess about all the things in the future that we are going to miss without Joe there, but instead focus on all the wonderful times we have had with Joe.
- Every time we think of Joe, thank God for the gift that he was.
- It's Ok to grieve and to cry. We should never apologize.
- You come into this world crying, while everyone around you is smiling. You leave this world smiling, while everyone around you is crying.
It was such
a wonderful tribute to Joe. Thank you
Father Will for helping us understand how blessed we were to have Joe in our
lives, how his suffering made him and all of us stronger, how to treasure our
wonderful memories with Joe and how to find comfort in knowing that Joe is in a
wonderful place in the arms of Lord, free from pain and having the time of his
life!
After the
funeral mass, we had a motorcade procession to the gravesite. It was miles and miles long. I was so touched to see cars putting their
lights on and pulling over to the side of the road out of respect. I even saw folks walking on the sidewalk that
took their hats off and put them over their hearts as the procession passed.
After we all
gathered at the gravesite, Deacon Scott (who went to school with Amanda) lead
the gravesite service. It was short, but
perfect. He asked all of us to say the
Lord’s Prayer together and as we were in the middle of the prayer, a gust of
cool wind came right through us and Joe’s casket, knocked over a flower
arrangement and went out the other side of the canopy. It gave us goose bumps and someone said out
loud “Was that the Holy Spirit?” We knew Joe was with us. The pall bearers placed their boutonnieres on
the casket and everyone got to sprinkle dirt over Joe’s casket. His fraternity brothers, The Orthogonians,
gathered around Joe, held hands and sang a wonderful song to Joe. It was
beautiful.
Joe's gravesite covered in flowers
After the gravesite, we gathered at the reception for a meal and a tribute to Joe. My wonderful Seton Mom friends put it all together and several of you helped contribute, set up, clean up and organize the event. All the tables had Mountain Dew and Licorice and peanuts on them and of course, they served Mountain Dew, Wings and a catered Italian lunch by Marcellos (the Coors Light came later). Everything was so good. They were playing the video on stage and then we had open mic where several of you got up and spoke. Scott Snedigar started with this tribute to Joe:
Our Journey
Our journey began, on an afternoon in May,
4 hours apart, on the very same day.
On our first birthday, it was time to eat cake,
Off the floor in the kitchen, our Mother’s gasped, “For Heaven sake”.
My
parents changed homes, in the year 63,
Right
next to the Kahler’s, that’s where we’d be.Now there were things, to do and to see,
The possibilities endless, for Joe and for me.
We had our bikes, our games and a pool,
And right next door, was AV High School.
Two
stories to tell, about the fun that we had,
One
with our bikes, and one with my Dad.With our bikes we found out, a noise we could make,
The sound was classic, and not by dragging a rake.
By taking Baseball cards, and folding them right,
Attached to the spokes, and clip them real tight.
We found Norm’s cards, and took only a few,
Mays, Wagner, Gehrig and Ruth, who knew?
The
other was fishing, on the shores of the Kern,
My
Dad was teaching us, and he was quite stern.On a table, a box, Velveeta Cheese we ate,
What we learned later was, we ate all the fish bait.
Oh
what a journey, Joe and I have been on,
Sleep
overs and movies and candy till dawn.It has taken us places,
Where we’ve met new faces,
For me, this was great,
All this, by age eight.
A
cardboard factory, is where Joe got me a job,
It
was there that I met, his good friend named Bob.The job was tough, and as hard as they come,
The lesson Joe taught me was, Never Succumb.
At
Whittier College, Joe met his soul mate for life,
He
had enough smarts, to make Sherrie his wife.Three girls they were blessed with, Joe proud as can be,
Their positive impact, the world will continue to see.
“Out
On My Own, Now What?” was Joe’s first book,
He
wrote it in hopes, every teenager would look.It talks about life skills, young people should learn,
My summer interns must study, before we adjourn.
Now
Joe is in Heaven, and we should not despair,
I’m
sure he is discussing, a place we can share.A “Cheeseburger in Paradise”, is Jimmy Buffet’s delight,
I’m sure Joe prefers Hot Wings, and a cold Coors Light.
Candace
and Amanda and Shelli, be strong,
That’s
what your Dad would want for your Mom.I do miss my friend, I do miss him so,
But he is always with us, if we just think of Joe.
The
journey is not over, put on hold for a day,
We’ll
see Joe soon, where we can laugh and all play.The legend lives with us, every day by our side,
Now daughters remember, it’s never goodbye.
A
tribute to my Best Friend, Joe Kahler
Written
by Scott Snedigar23 May 2014
Several
others followed and told funny, humbling and wonderful stories about Joe. They talked about growing up with Joe, going
to school with Joe, playing ball or pledging with Joe, camping and boating with
Joe, things they learned from Joe, how special Joe was to them, how they became
a better person because of Joe, how they will always remember Joe for all his
qualities and how they will treasure those memories forever and so much
more. It was incredibly moving and I
wish I would have recorded it so I could capture every word that was said. Thank you all who offered your stories and
thanks to all who told me your stories later.
They are all so wonderful. I
finished the reception with the “Horse Story” that Joe and I became famous for
at the Seton Auction years ago. If you
haven’t heard it, call me or someone that was there and we will tell you the
horse story. I thanked everyone for
coming and stressed how much it meant to me and the girls. I thanked Joe for the best life anyone could
ask for and told him how much I loved him and always will. The video was running behind me and folks told
me right when I said that, the picture of Joe and I with the words “I Love You
Joe!! Sherrie” was on the screen. Joe was once again, with us.
The services were over and as difficult, sad, happy and draining as it was, I could not have been more pleased. One of the most incredible things I got from the day was the smile back on my girl’s faces. Thank you all for that gift.
The services were over and as difficult, sad, happy and draining as it was, I could not have been more pleased. One of the most incredible things I got from the day was the smile back on my girl’s faces. Thank you all for that gift.
I’m sorry for making this so long, but I wanted to share everything with you. I also wanted to share those “God Winks” with you because I truly believe several things that happened through this journey proves that God is talking to us. The bird showed up that awful morning that Joe went to the Hospice Center and began his journey to heaven. Joe’s sister and brother-in-law were staying at our house and said they heard a noise coming from my bathroom window the morning Joe passed away. They watched in awe, headed to Hospice Center and learned Joe had passed away. The picture of Joe holding the football and the picture of Joe and I with “I Love You” on it, showed up when we were talking about that very subject. The weather was gorgeous that day (the only day in late May that the temperature was in the 80’s) and a cool breeze came through Joe’s gravesite as we were saying the Lord’s Prayer. My girlfriend calls them “God Winks” and they are definitely a reminder that Joe was with us. Like Father Will said “God and Joe were working on a plan together.” They sent us the message that Joe is OK, he’s so happy, he’s running down the field, he’s free from pain and he loves us all so very much.
I know Joe
was thrilled with his send off, as my entire family and I were as well. Your support helped us so much through the
last 2 ½ years, but also continues to help us heal. The girls and I are doing OK, so please don’t
worry (but keep those prayers coming).
We have all gone back to work, Shelli had her tonsils removed and we are
staying busy with all kinds of activities.
We cry all the time and never know when it will hit us, but I suspect
that will continue for a very long time – if not forever. We try and stay focused on the positive and
we treasure the memories we had with Joe, but as you all know because you are
hurting too, sometimes the pain is just unbearable. We came up with WWDD (What Would Dad Do-WWJD
was already taken J) as a constant reminder that Joe would want us to live our
life, get back out there and make the absolute best out of our time left on
this earth. We will honor his wishes.
I know I
have said it many times, but I cannot stress enough how much you all mean to
us. Without your prayers, support, love
and friendship, this would not have been the beautiful journey that it turned
out to be. I never fully understood why
all this happened to such an amazing man, but Father Will is certainly helping
me figure it out when he said “the more Joe suffered, the stronger he
became.” It just brings comfort knowing
that Joe is doing great and we will all see him again someday. So it’s not goodbye Joe, it’s see you later.
With All Our
Love and Gratitude,
The Kahler’s
